On Bad Thoughts ~ St. Alphonsus

doing something right...

Two for two. That's a pretty amazing statement as a mom.

Two kids. Two Valedictorians. (Although one of many in each of their respective classes, anyone with a 4.0+ GPA.)

The youngest graduates tomorrow. Technically, she's already done. She's also 2/3 done with an associates degree from the local college, because of her many dual-credit courses during high school, and she has a free year coming up thanks to scholarships. She'll be completing her associates degree in the next year. After that, she'll go on to her bachelor's degree, which is a 2-3 year remaining educational journey. Kids have so many opportunities these days that my generation and those before me didn't have.

When hubby and I were dating, my youngest sister, knowing my school record (honor roll but not valedictorian, back when there was only one per class), blessed us by saying, "You two are going to have smart kids!" How very prescient of her, over twenty-four years ago.

A week ago, we held the grad party in our garage. Tomorrow, all three public high schools in town have graduation.

So, I had been pretty busy getting things together while trying to write over this past month, and the prep work also stole some of my attention from writing. Some of the stuff (buying decorations, designing the banner, designing announcements and then sending them out) had been done for a while, but the stress of the week or two before the grad party was wearing on me. I'm used to organizing events, but this was my own child, so I didn't want to forget anything, despite the simplicity of it.

After tomorrow, it's all done.

But aside from the proud mom moment, I want to say that it's not natural intelligence that is the reason for such achievements. It came down to hard work and dedication by each of my kids. I wasn't a perfect A student when I was in high school, but I wanted to be; I had to work for it, and I made sure my kids knew how to work hard and have the self-discipline to do well. You can have all the intelligence in the world, but if you don't have the discipline to do the work required, it all means nothing. Sacrifice and hard work contribute as much as intelligence and can even make up for a lack in that area.

You have to do some work that you may not like in order to succeed in life. We taught our kids that lesson when they were young, starting with assigning chores to earn privileges and rewards. That carried over throughout their young lives at home and in school and hopefully will continue into adulthood. It was the best thing we could have done for our kids. We know what we did right, the same things many parents do right for their kids.

I wish the best for all graduates...

ID 370078026 | Congratulations © Natalia Sintsova | Dreamstime.com

Why discipline in life is important

Fr. Ripperger always has good lectures, and you don't have to be Catholic to appreciate many of them. This is one that applies to everyone. He offers great insights into bettering your life.

What is Laziness, Sloth, & Workaholicism & Their Dangers ~ Fr. Ripperger

About writing, publishing, and positivity

I was reading a fellow author's (and long time friend's) recent blog post about the process of producing a book. You can find it here.

Ruth writes in the romance genre and has done well for herself, but she writes her fingers off to make that happen, as you can see in her post. I've always been impressed with the speed she turns out books. I've been lucky to manage two to three books a year of about the same length she writes, that's 1/3 her speed. And I don't even have 1/3 the books published that she has out. 

Her post inspired some thinking on the topic. Like Ruth, I do all my own writing. Is it good? That's up to you, the readers. I don't expect to please everyone. I don't hire ghostwriters or use AI. It is all on me, and, like Ruth and any human writer, I have good days and bad days. I've had days where I've been lucky to eek out a couple hundred words, or any, and days where I almost couldn't stop writing.

I'm not a machine. I am a living being. I am a wife, mother, homeowner, horse owner, cat slave, and employee for someone else. I love my part-time non-writing job and don't get to see my horse nearly as much as I would like. I also have one kid heading to college in the fall and another still in high school who needs mom or dad to get her to/from work since she doesn't have her drivers license yet. We have a house and yard to maintain. I also make time for my faith, which has only grown deeper as I get older. It all cuts out chunks from my days.

On top of all that, I also have autoimmunity that can sap my concentration and energy away, which is also why I don't get to see my horse as often as I like--the energy seems to get sapped on the otherwise best days or I have something else that has to get done. Writing is heavily intellectual. Anything that depletes cognition takes its toll on writing; the autoimmunity is particularly effective at that. I've had to learn to be my own doctor for things, although I have excellent independent physicians who have helped me get past the worst issues.

Given all that, I am proud of what I have achieved. I work hard in all my endeavors, and all of them complement one another. It is a symbiosis that I've learned to manage as best as I can. It's not rainbows and unicorns--life isn't meant to be easy--but I believe that we are defined by how we overcome our struggles to fulfill our purpose and achieve our dreams. God allows struggle to teach us how to better ourselves. When we can overcome without succumbing to the self-annihilating forces of jealousy, blame, or violence but can do something constructive, our limits are only what we place on ourselves.

As you can see, through all that I have going on, I continue forward. Thank God I don't have to depend on my writing income to get by. I tend to spend more on the business of publishing than I make, but that's because I support the publishing with outside income. Because of that, I also take on a lot of the roles myself, from author to cover artist, although I mostly try to find finished images to promote on the latest series (Starfire Angels: Forgotten Worlds). I've taught myself some Photoshop skills for cover work and for my day job, but I can only work with photos/existing images. (I consider the cover of UNBROKEN BONDS to be my best work to date.)

I have hired excellent cover artists in the past. (See the Paul Davies works on the Legend of the White Dragon series and Demon Age books.) Working with artists on custom covers is another process in itself, giving the artist something to start them and then going back and forth with sketches until you get something that satisfies both parties. And as Ruth points out, you work on their schedule. It can be very frustrating but very rewarding in the end.

I also format my own books and manage the marketing, more time taken from writing. I'd love to have someone to help, but I can't really afford that either. So, I take on these roles also and do the best I can at any given time. I try to do these tasks when my ability to concentrate on writing is low anyway, so the effect is minimal.

This is how I keep going and how I keep writing. I have a lot to manage in my life (doesn't everyone?), but there are people who are worse off and yet are able to do much more. I admire that courage and dedication and could only hope to match it, but we can never fill someone else's shoes. We can only work hard to reach our own unique potential and accomplish whatever we set out to do. This is why I love the quote below. It reminds me that small things add up to big things. Another version is that "a book is written one word at a time."

Many people may not realize just how much work that involves--it only starts with the writing. A book may be consumed fast, but creating and publishing it is a time-intensive process amid many other distractions and duties, and that is the point that Ruth makes in her post. Plotting, writing, rewriting (many times), editing, formatting (ebook and/or paperback), cover design, copyright registration, setting up at retailers (with all the details that have to be entered, not just a simple upload), marketing, etc. all take time and effort to complete.

I may not be as prolific as some authors, but I do nearly all of the work myself.

Unless fortunes improve, I will continue as I have with the writing and publishing and hope that I can bring some escape and positivity into your life.

ps--Book 15 is now at 11,500 words.

truth and science fiction

Classical science fiction is my first love of reading. Anything from its early days, especially the works of H.G. Wells and Jules Verne. They told stories of adventure in settings that were not possible, at least not at the times in which they lived. I also have enjoyed Poul Anderson, Andre Norton, Michael Crichton, and many others, for their imaginative and fantastic stories. I've also grown up with much in terms of visual storytelling (tv and movies) with Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Babylon 5, Stargate, etc.

However, the fantastic worlds and beings are not the full picture of why science fiction is my first love. The real appeal is in stories that present a view of the human condition using the science fiction settings, especially alien worlds and cultures.

Whether it involves humans or aliens, science fiction (and also fantasy) allows us to explore ideas that we can't in our real world. It provides a means of exploring other governments, cultures, and environmental settings that interact to create an alien race or alter the human race. The many sub-genres provide infinite possibilities, like the theory of alternate realities, where every decision branches off into a new reality. Whether time-travel, space opera, cyberpunk, thriller, monsters, and on and on, the broad scope of the science fiction genre offers us the opportunity to say "what if..." It is these explorations that add depth to our human consciousness and allow us to look at alternatives or a mirror into our present circumstances.

A writer sees through the lens of their experience and opinions. A good writer goes outside of themselves and creates situations, worlds, characters they don't necessarily like or agree with. It provides the opportunity to see a different perspective, but always it is filtered through the writer's own view. It can be difficult to set aside oneself to write from a different viewpoint, but in really getting outside of one's own perspectives, that character/culture/species can offer the writer and reader a contrast from which other characters/cultures/species can stand out. Depending on the purpose of the writer's vision, this can offer insights that one might not have otherwise considered. It's a matter of keeping an open mind on both the part of the writer and the reader.

And then there is the reader's perspective. A writer tries to portray a certain view, sometimes even changing theirs. (Stories that start out with well-thought and well-developed characters/cultures/etc. fall apart when a writer tries to force their hand into it and not let it develop more naturally from what was established up front.) A reader brings to a story their experience and opinions that color how they view a story and what they believe it should be. This may agree with or contradict the way the writer develops the story. But this is just a side note to where I'm going.

I love science fiction for its ability to explore anything, but I also love the science behind it. I love the logic and I love the ability to explore things that I couldn't in my life. I also love that science fiction can sometimes be more believable than real life.

One thing that has come to mind lately, which prompted this post, is an episode of Babylon 5 called "Infection". The episode is about an alien artifact that attaches to a man and transforms him into a killing machine intent on eliminating any being that wasn't "pure" of the species that created it. In the end, it was revealed that this symbiote destroyed the whole civilization, because no one was "pure". It seems almost prophetic to what we are seeing with cancel culture. Nothing is pure enough for them and as one set of opinions is wiped out, they go after the next, until there would be nothing left, because nothing is "pure" anything. It's all based on the individual's perspective, seen through the lens of their lives.

The episode is over 26 years old and had applied well to Hitler's vision for a "perfect" race, which I might assume to have influenced the idea. Here we are, decades later, and this episode is still relevant in our current cultural climate. It serves as a warning that if we don't change, our society is doomed to destroy itself. There has to be compromise and acceptance that nothing is perfect, nor will it be.

This is what I enjoy about science fiction--exploring the human condition by looking from outside out present circumstances to explore the many alternative possibilities of what may be. And in that, it speaks truth to our present condition.

bully victims, fight back, but don't become the bully

Bullying is defined as "abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful, etc. : the actions and behavior of a bully." (Merriam-Webster). Verbally, they use manipulation, lies, put-downs, cold-shoulders, talking behind the victim's back, whining/complaints, belittling, stealing attention, using higher or perceived higher status to get their way, etc. Physically, they shove, punch, steal, take over space, etc. The worst is when they do it with simple body language and don't have to say/write a word. Women tend to use the language methods and men the physical, although both span all forms.

When I was young, I was often the target of bullies, usually boys. I was small, meek, wore glasses (still do), and was a brainy girl who preferred being a tomboy. I had two younger brothers close to my age, so the latter isn't much of a surprise.

I didn't fit into any mold but was who I was. I was always awkward socially, which made me an easy target. On the bus, in school, you name it. Bullies surrounded me from my earliest school days to my last. My parents always told me to ignore them and they would eventually give up interest. The problem was that they never did.

I often cried and I did have suicidal thoughts. Life was hard. But I had my faith and that kept me going. I knew that, even when I went through the stage of puberty when parents are always wrong and don't understand (or at least as teens, we think we know better--life and experience teaches us how wrong we are), that Jesus didn't want me to give up. I will say that that was the only way I kept going.

Not until I started fighting back/standing up against the bullies did I ever see any relief. I had to fight against them time and again, and I gained some confidence as I did, although I was always told that to do so was wrong and I feared getting into trouble. But I'd had enough and was determined not to let the bullies win. Yielding felt like losing to me. Yes, I got into trouble a couple of times. And it seems that kids today who fight back still do--some things never change. However, it doesn't take much for bullies in school to give up and find a new victim to harass once you start standing up against them. They fear losing their power and want an easy target, a victim not a fighter.

You know what? That fighting back made me more confident, if only a little at a time. I didn't give them the power over me that they wanted. Maybe the toughness was started from dealing with two younger brothers who constantly pestered me when we were young, but that was only a start--good ol' sibling rivalry. (Things changed as my brothers matured, but hindsight is 20/20.) And I changed. I had the mental scars, but I also gained resilience for the greater challenges in life that were to come. As for those bullies, once I was out of school, they lost their power. Some might have gone into jobs that gave them power, but that doesn't last for them. The real world is quite an eye-opener.

The point of this is to say you can't see that at the time that things will work out, but if you hang in there, you will be stronger. It feels like the end of the world. Don't give in. Fight back, but beware going too far and becoming that which you despise. Too many people take it too far and become the totalitarians of tomorrow or want to bubble wrap everyone. Neither is the answer.

As a result, we have become a soft society--wanting someone else to fight our fights or to be cushioned from any hardship. I have news for you--LIFE ISN'T EASY. Each person must learn to cope in their own life. No one can live your life for you. Know your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Learn to take matters into your hands and stand up for yourself. If you don't start, you'll never develop the strength to get through life.

When we're young, every little thing feels like the end of the world, because we don't have the life experience to compare to what real struggle is. Just wait until you're out on your own, barely making ends meet, struggling with rent and transportation and budgeting for food, gas, clothes, and maybe entertainment while going to school. THAT is a real struggle. You won't know until you've lived through difficulties just how strong you can be. The key is living through it.

It does get better, especially when you learn the right coping skills through experience and training and gain confidence in yourself by confronting the difficulties. Bullies are encountered at every stage of life, and they learn to be more manipulative and subtle in adulthood. I've worked with them, but it was because of my resilience and the scars earned by dealing with them in my youth that I survived them in adulthood. After leaving those jobs, I have encountered them and realized how pathetic they are. There's one thing I've learned at every stage--they are bullies because they are insecure. Pity them and move on. Know that if you can't fight them on fair terms, their ways will eventually get them in trouble and you won't have to sully your reputation or conscience to have that satisfaction.

Being a survivor and overcoming the bullying is your revenge. Don't give in. Fight back when you can without becoming them. Be better and keep your chin up. Bullies are pathetic, insecure people. But BEWARE-- In this age of the internet, people can be shamed online and mobbed for perceived bad behavior, but that is never the answer and there is always more to the story than you may realize (both online and IRL). One who gets online revenge can also be the victim of such acts. And it only taints your conscience by becoming that which is despised. Two wrongs don't make a right, as my grandma always said.

Fight back against bullies, but don't become them. And when you see them later in life, thank them for teaching you to be strong. There's no better revenge than success!

Thanksgiving Blessings

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, even those who don't celebrate the holiday. I hope you all have a wonderful day and appreciate the many blessings in your life, starting with having a life and the cognitive ability to understand this sentiment.

Thanksgiving is about more than stuffing your face, time with family, and (for some) watching football (American). It was celebrated originally by the European settlers to North America who were helped by the natives to survive in a land that was new to them. It was an innocent time when those people were grateful to simply survive. They didn't judge one another based on skin color or political or religious affiliation but simply shared resources and were grateful to be alive. (I'm sure it wasn't perfect, but they did give thanks for what they had.)

That is the spirit of the holiday--gratitude. That is something that we should practice every day, but this day has been set aside as a U.S. holiday, and it should not be forsaken nor corrupted. Gratitude in all that we have is something we should feel every morning that we wake up, another day to live.

According to Psychology Today:

Psychologists find that, over time, feeling grateful boosts happiness and fosters both physical and psychological health, even among those already struggling with mental health problems. Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating over them (a hallmark of depression). 

Further, the beneficial effects snowball over time. Brain scans of people assigned a task that stimulates expression of gratitude show lasting changes in the prefrontal cortex that heighten sensitivity to future experiences of gratitude. The emotion literally pays itself forward.

Gratitude is the key to joy. So, celebrate all that is worthwhile in your life--family, health, life, and all the little blessings that come your way--and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

A good reason to unplug

I haven't missed Facebook. Twitter I still kind of miss, sometimes thinking that there's something I want to share. Then, I'm forced to realize that I don't need to share and that my brain was rewired by social media to open my life to the world.

But, you know what? I feel so much HAPPIER without those platforms. It's liberating to be without both. At first, you think you're missing out, but if you wean off gradually, it's not quite so difficult. Social media is an ADDICTION. It is unhealthy for your mental state and a big reason our world is in so much trouble, imho.

Part of this was made easier because of a situation at my day job. I have a TV available by my desk and usually have it on various news programs while I'm working, on a low volume, occasionally turning it up to hear an interesting segment. However, when I'm really busy, I keep it off and play music from my phone app, quietly so it's not disturbing to me or my boss in his office.

Well, I realized something after the busy time of the year, after I had the TV off for a couple of weeks so I could concentrate on a gazillion tasks at one time, and then things slowed and I started turning it on again. If I have the TV off, I don't know what I'm missing but am too busy to care. When it's on, I tend to pay more attention to everything, only because it's there in front of me.

Guess what? The same applies to social media. Realizing that I didn't care about what I didn't know on the news made unplugging from social media that much easier for me. If more of us would just not care about what we're missing out on, we would be a lot happier. We don't need to know what someone we hardly know is doing on their vacation or that a social media celebrity got more bling. I mean--really? Does that change your life in some dramatic way?

Probably not. So, why should you care? People are just looking for attention in the form of likes and comments. It's called narcissism, and it's unhealthy behavior, on both sides.

I still have two social media accounts, but one is instagram, for picture sharing. That's all I really like anymore, if someone can tolerate my cat and horse pics and the occasional food or book pics. And I have my G+ account, which I hardly use, and then usually just to share blog posts. This blogspot is also owned by Google. (I had issues with Wordpress that came up on a periodic basis, so I gave up on that blog site.)

Social media can be very toxic, especially Twitter and Facebook. Whether that's in the form of our "friends" commenting something we dislike or something they dislike. It's not like spoken words that we only hear once. Written words are there to see over and over and tend to stick in our minds longer. Why torment yourself? There are helpful aspects also, but most people utilize both.

Back to my original point--unplug. If you are constantly checking social media because there's a little voice in your head questioning what you might be missing, turn it off. Delete one account without opening a new one. Give it four to six months and then delete the next big one. If you still can't slow down, after another six months, give up the next most active account. I promise that once you overcome the withdrawal symptoms (yes, they are real, even for our digital devices and social media), you will feel more peaceful. The world will be a quieter place. You won't know what you're missing and you won't know what should be making you angry, because it won't be constantly poking at you and irritating you. Do you like to feel angry all the time? No? I didn't think so.

I hope that others can see the light as I have. You don't have to quit social media completely, depending on your particular level of addiction, but you'd be surprised how much lighter you feel without the two heavies--Twitter and FB. Quit oversharing your life and begin looking inside for affirmation rather than outside. You'll learn to appreciate what living really is.

To my fellow authors

QUIT BEHAVING BADLY!!

First, Kathleen Hale posted her reveiwer-stalking story and now a reviewer friend of mine (not the one mentioned) posted this article: Richard Brittain Violently Assaults Book Reviewer.

This is not cool. This is illegal behavior. Seriously, people, chill out. You're entitled to your opinions, but not to hurting anyone, whether you're a writer or reviewer or anybody on the street.

Reviewers are entitled to their opinion ABOUT YOUR WORK. Once you let even one person read it, it's out of your hands. We all come from different backgrounds, which is the joy of reading, because one story has the power to affect a million different people a million different ways. No one is going to agree on everything.

Quit taking things personally that aren't meant to be personal. Reviews about a particular work are simply one person's opinion. As Elsa sang, LET IT GO! In case you haven't heard it or forgot:



And in this, you can follow the words. The meaning is clear-- "I don't care what they're going to say." That says it perfectly right there, along with this --> "It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small." Get away from it all and be your own person regardless of the condemnation of others. Just write and don't worry about what others think of it. Don't prove to people that you're a monster. Take your frustrations somewhere away from everyone else and let them go. Don't dwell on them.

Don't read reviews of your own books, and keep in mind that every writer gets negative reviews of their work, even the classics. We've all been there. It hurts, but you'll get over it. (A tub of your favorite ice cream or a glass of wine can help ;) )