Thank you, reviewers!

Shared from my Goodreads profile:

Like other writers, I depend on your book reviews. Those are a buoy for the books and a lifeline or warning sign to readers. They help others decide if the book is in their tastes--I know they do for me when I'm looking for something to read! Whether you liked them or not doesn't matter. It's the substance that counts. 

And it's not simply on one platform but all of them that matter. 

So, thank you to those who make the effort to write up something about their reading experience. It means a lot to me. I try to do the same, because I know what it means. 

Lastly, there is one reviewer who is the only one to date to review Awakening on Amazon. I'd like to reward you with free versions of the last two books of the trilogy this summer when they are available, if you're interested. Please get in touch with me.

More Starfire Angels?

The Starfire Angels series has been my most popular series to date, and the one that I have enjoyed writing, except that the storyline grew difficult to keep up without ruining. I can get bored quickly when I want something fresh.

However, I've now branched off to express thoughts in other areas with new series and worlds and satisfied my need for something new; and I feel the pull to return to something familiar. Starfire Angels is like a bungie cord for me--always springing back after I've gone too far.

For the longest time, I didn't know how to get back into it. I tried with The Lereni Trade (Beyond Starfire Angels series) but didn't feel inspired to write more.

There may be another way to get back to our favorite angels. I came up with an idea today. I've had something rattling in my brain making noise for quite some time now. It wasn't clear but I knew something was trying to emerge. It always takes the right catalyst for the magic to happen.

That happened this afternoon. It pulled together Starfire Angels with my first novel (never published), thanks to watching Stargate SG-1 (rewatching the whole series lately). The first Starfire Angels was inspired by an anime show I enjoyed twelve years after writing a novelette in college. I've always felt that Starfire Angels could be something else, but it had to branch off, and SG-1 was always in the back of my mind with SA's possibilities. Now, I know what I'm going to do. I have a series title in mind, but I'm not revealing that until I have the first book written.

I'm planning on short novels rather than my usual big tomes. I'd like to get a five-six book series of short novels out over the course of 15-18 months, but we'll see how that works. It's a plan, anyway. I already have an outline and background and an established world from this spark of an idea today. Starfire Angels fans forced me to come up with new ideas to satisfy their hunger for the Dark Angel series. (Mostly because of their love of Elis, I think.) Those ideas have become springboards to others. SG-1 was merely a catalyst for putting it all together.

I know how I'm going to expand Starfire Angels into a new branch series. Follow this blog to learn more when I have it!

ps--It will not feature Elis and Raea but other characters who have grown important and also new characters who will be added.

A good reason to unplug

I haven't missed Facebook. Twitter I still kind of miss, sometimes thinking that there's something I want to share. Then, I'm forced to realize that I don't need to share and that my brain was rewired by social media to open my life to the world.

But, you know what? I feel so much HAPPIER without those platforms. It's liberating to be without both. At first, you think you're missing out, but if you wean off gradually, it's not quite so difficult. Social media is an ADDICTION. It is unhealthy for your mental state and a big reason our world is in so much trouble, imho.

Part of this was made easier because of a situation at my day job. I have a TV available by my desk and usually have it on various news programs while I'm working, on a low volume, occasionally turning it up to hear an interesting segment. However, when I'm really busy, I keep it off and play music from my phone app, quietly so it's not disturbing to me or my boss in his office.

Well, I realized something after the busy time of the year, after I had the TV off for a couple of weeks so I could concentrate on a gazillion tasks at one time, and then things slowed and I started turning it on again. If I have the TV off, I don't know what I'm missing but am too busy to care. When it's on, I tend to pay more attention to everything, only because it's there in front of me.

Guess what? The same applies to social media. Realizing that I didn't care about what I didn't know on the news made unplugging from social media that much easier for me. If more of us would just not care about what we're missing out on, we would be a lot happier. We don't need to know what someone we hardly know is doing on their vacation or that a social media celebrity got more bling. I mean--really? Does that change your life in some dramatic way?

Probably not. So, why should you care? People are just looking for attention in the form of likes and comments. It's called narcissism, and it's unhealthy behavior, on both sides.

I still have two social media accounts, but one is instagram, for picture sharing. That's all I really like anymore, if someone can tolerate my cat and horse pics and the occasional food or book pics. And I have my G+ account, which I hardly use, and then usually just to share blog posts. This blogspot is also owned by Google. (I had issues with Wordpress that came up on a periodic basis, so I gave up on that blog site.)

Social media can be very toxic, especially Twitter and Facebook. Whether that's in the form of our "friends" commenting something we dislike or something they dislike. It's not like spoken words that we only hear once. Written words are there to see over and over and tend to stick in our minds longer. Why torment yourself? There are helpful aspects also, but most people utilize both.

Back to my original point--unplug. If you are constantly checking social media because there's a little voice in your head questioning what you might be missing, turn it off. Delete one account without opening a new one. Give it four to six months and then delete the next big one. If you still can't slow down, after another six months, give up the next most active account. I promise that once you overcome the withdrawal symptoms (yes, they are real, even for our digital devices and social media), you will feel more peaceful. The world will be a quieter place. You won't know what you're missing and you won't know what should be making you angry, because it won't be constantly poking at you and irritating you. Do you like to feel angry all the time? No? I didn't think so.

I hope that others can see the light as I have. You don't have to quit social media completely, depending on your particular level of addiction, but you'd be surprised how much lighter you feel without the two heavies--Twitter and FB. Quit oversharing your life and begin looking inside for affirmation rather than outside. You'll learn to appreciate what living really is.

About my social media

It's finally happened. I came to my senses. After years of wanting to make a change, but succumbing to the siren song of a few connected readers, I said good bye to Facebook and my author page.

I said farewell to Twitter months ago.

It wasn't a hard decision. This was something that I felt needed to be done for some time. I've been needing to simplify my life. Besides, I've been enjoying sharing pictures on instagram far more and wanted to cut down my accounts to those that I find most useful. Just as I deleted my MySpace account many years ago, so too have Twitter and Facebook lost their luster and been tossed into the rubbish bin.

Social media has changed our world, and not for the better. I grew up without social media in a time when people actually called each other on the phone or spoke. (Yes--you know that hole in your face? That actually can make words and express meaning more so than words hastily typed on a computer screen, and you are more likely to think carefully about what comes out of it.) I lived most of my life with the contact of others in-person, not through a computer screen.

There is a deprivation of culture in our technological society. It stems from the evils of social media and the inadequacies of instant access and short statements without the explanations for full context to form thoughtful replies. It also steals time and makes us lazy. What little good can come from connecting with others too far away to contact in person can be easily overwhelmed by the unconscious comparisons to others and being too quick to judge.

I've been seeking to get back to a healthier lifestyle, one in which I speak to my closest friends and family rather than wait to see what they post online for all the world. I want less of the stress that those forms of social media bring and certainly less of the toxic atmosphere they can fuel.

Most of all, I want to enjoy life without the attachment to my computer. I'll carry a phone with instagram, but my phone is mostly a device for actually speaking to people, not for ignoring my surroundings and the beauty of this world that we will too soon leave behind. When my time comes, I don't want to look back and realize how much I missed. At least in sharing pictures, I am showing the life that is offline.

Horsin' Around

It's been a warm winter so far here. Although I would prefer snow, I'll take advantage of what God gives us.

In this case, I've had more opportunities to play with my horse, including riding. I wish I had a picture of it, but maybe another time, I'll get that. We cantered today without Buddy getting upset like he did on our previous attempts. (Long story short--he was cowboy broke when I bought him two years ago, which meant pushed fast and not allowed to learn at his pace. I've been retraining him to be relaxed and willing rather than scared into doing what I want.)

Today, I also had a coach at the fence who got me back into canter. I can't thank her enough. It's been four years since I rode a canter and I was apprehensive, especially since I still consider Buddy in the learning stage and not yet seasoned. The coaching was needed to push me out of my comfort zone, and I knew if something did happen that someone would be there.

Buddy will be five next year, and my goal is to have him comfortable enough under saddle to introduce the big spooky bovines. In other words, I want to start working him on cows. He has the conformation and the moves to make the cows move. The dressage training is just the start of turning him into an everything horse like I had growing up, but even better than them.

After our session giving both of us new confidence, Buddy decided my hood from the vest under my jacket was a fun chew toy.

Buddy and his friend, Ian

(pasturemate, owned by the person who coached us today) 

My Buddy

November 2017

Horse pics

Nothing more. Just wanted to share some more recent pictures of my Buddy, my saving grace, the beacon of light through the darkness of the past two years of struggling with Hashimoto's and untreated hypothyroidism. Now that I am being treated, I'm moving ahead with his training and seeing encouraging results with him.

Me and Buddy Aug. 28, 2017

Buddy in his herd

My noble little big man

I often share these first on my instagram page at https://www.instagram.com/melanienilles_author/ .

the view from the saddle

The world looks different from the back of a horse. It's more peaceful and connected. One doesn't think about their problems or, if they do, those problems are minor compared to the beauty in that moment.

A horse doesn't plan ahead but lives in the moment. Really, they are incapable of that wider scope of cognitive function. Rather, they base their immediate reaction on experiences of the past based on the situation that they are in at that moment. They don't think that the sign in the road might blow in a sudden gust, but if it does, it becomes a monster at that time. You can pass the same sign a hundred times but suddenly on one-hundred-one, it's a fire-breathing, horse-eating monster. Horses live in the now, this moment. We can learn something from that.

I think some of that somehow affects us when we are with our horses, connected. When I'm with my Buddy, I am in that moment. I don't think about projects at work or what so-and-so might be scheming (somewhere) or my writing and what plot point I need to conquer. Rather, it's just me and my horse conquering the world together. That's it. Nothing else.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about how to get him to cooperate in a task. I still think about what I'm doing, but he has my undivided attention and when it comes to riding, it is all about that moment, each moment. It's very liberating.

This morning was a beautiful morning all about preparing Buddy to head out on the trails. After lunging and some arena riding, he was pretty subdued and focused. I've been taking it one step at a time in an effort to give him the most positive experiences possible. We've slowly graduated from one small step to the next: round penning and desensitizing -> lunging -> riding in an arena -> lunging and riding in the pasture and leading down the road outside the fences -> riding outside the fences.

We rode outside any fences this morning for the first time. My goal was to just ride along the property that he is familiar with, getting him used to being ridden somewhere outside an arena. I don't want to push him too far too fast. I never have. And he's rewarded me greatly every chance I've had to work with him. This morning, we did have an issue along the trailer row, but we would reach his limit of fear and I let him retreat to where he was comfortable and calm again, then we rode back and I'd ask for a little further before retreating. He wanted to run away, but he has the personality of a superb trail prospect. He listened to my voice and seat (which I try to keep relaxed) and the bit pressure (which wasn't that much). We did that three times and by the last time, reached the end of the trailer row and headed back to the arena far more calmly and with little rein pressure. That was good enough progress for me!

Buddy is not a flighty horse but he could be if we hadn't prepared for this. I've spent almost two years building his trust and confidence in my leadership. And I've done all I can to let him make the right choice so that I don't have to discipline. He's challenged me a few times, but it's never been too difficult to make him realize that misbehaving isn't worth the effort--he's a bit lazy, thank goodness. It's that laid-back personality, partially natural and partially from training, and achieving first his trust in my leadership on the ground and then his trust in my leadership on his back that combined to bring out the best in this little guy. It's not about the human being the boss but, rather, a trusted leader and partner.

And I did measure him recently with a proper measuring stick. He may not stay a pony for long at already 14.2 hands at 4 years old. Unfortunately, he looks like he will end up being a small horse, which tend to not score so well in shows against larger horses. He won't qualify for the pony divisions against other small equines. But, I have a happy little horse who will eventually carry me anywhere and do anything.

horse update

We have a drought here, so we're praying for rain. And it's been HOT!

Because of the heat, I've been going out to see Buddy in the mornings when I can. It worked out well today. I went out to work with Buddy. The outdoor arena was being worked up, so we lunged outside to get that done while waiting for the arena to be clear. Once that was possible, I rode. He gave me a few young horse moments, but nothing terrible. He's generally very cooperative, but he's still young enough--and damned smart enough!--that he could get spoiled very quickly with the wrong rider. It didn't take much to correct him and then he fully cooperated. He just had to try.

After our ride, I gave him a spring bath, something I've been wanting to do for a while. He gets so disgustingly dirty crossing through the creek in the pasture.

I also did something I've been dying to do--brushed out his tail. I don't do that unless it's cleaned and conditioned, which I did today. You pull out fewer hairs by leaving the tail alone, so it stays thicker and longer--I ended up having to trim it, because it gets so long. Other horses at the barn have thin, short tails because the owners brush them out all the time without washing and conditioning first. I had to shorten his with a scissors, like I did last year--it helps keep it from getting muddy, which gets flicked all over when he's swishing flies, and it helps keep it from picking up cockleburs.

Anyway, he cleaned up to have bright stockings, so I took a few picks of a clean horse, who probably got dirty crossing the creek soon after I left around noon. With the drought coming on, the herd has been crossing the creek to get the grass on the other side, but it's getting crispy there too. We're all praying for rain.

He cleans up nicely! (You should have seen how muddy he was from fresh creek mud!) And look at how long that tail was. It's still long, but not so close to the ground.

the story of Buddy

Okay, I'm not totally obsessed with my horse, but horses are a big part of me. I've said before that horses are a part of my soul. Not having a horse partner is like death and I can only have one at a time. I mean that. Buddy has saved my life.

When my last and dearest horse I had ever had in my life went downhill in his health, I made the difficult choice to put him down. I had never done that before, but it was clear that he was in increasing pain and nothing I did helped him. I took him to a good place where he was put to rest and I can visit him any time. But he has visited me.

I sincerely believe that Beau was looking over my shoulder a year later when I went to the sale barn thinking I'd take on a pony that I could share with my kids and handle with my new health difficulties. I knew my skills could match whatever I found.

At an auction, one never knows what they'll find, but there are hidden gems. Buddy was one of them. He had ringworm, bad teeth, and had been cowboy broke into submission. However, he'd been broke fast to look good in the sales ring. Luckily and unluckily, he'd only been 2, not 3 as he was listed, so I knew that I could undo any training mistakes since he hadn't had long enough for bad handling to cement any bad behaviors.

I knew to be wary and I had my strategy for the couple of ponies I thought would fit the bill, one being that I took one of my kids with me. I know the games that horse traders play and especially those who work that particular semi-annual sale. I lost on a smaller pony but I won Buddy for what I consider a fair price--ponies are always in high demand and high priced. But I do love the thrill of bidding at an auction.

Buddy came with baggage, some of which I quickly dropped. He learned that he didn't have to just take whatever I did. He learned to open up to me, through massage and natural horsemanship and by clearing up the ringworm on his face and getting his teeth floated (the equine dentist discovered sores in his mouth in that first visit just a few weeks after I bought him). He was given a winter to grow up and get used to his new home and herd. It was too cold outside and I was going through a terrible time with my health to get out to see him more than a few times until spring came. Our first spring (2016), he had bloomed!

Last summer, Buddy took to natural horsemanship immediately, and then had to learn to accept side reins and the bit. He had some baggage yet to work through, but he had awakened to a new world and an easier life. He was able to grow up. I didn't ride him more than 15-16 times all year, but he was only three years old. Mostly, I focused on ground work, his feet, and becoming a human he could trust. I had already used our first six weeks before the winter set in since buying him to establish trust and confidence in me, but that went even further when we started working together last year. And I started him in a much gentler bit than the one he wore in the sales arena.

We ended 2016 as a team. Buddy had the advantage of everything that my over 30 years of horse training and then trying to care for Beau's worsening symptoms taught me. He had an owner who could help him physically and mentally to overcome what might have happened to make him contain his emotions. He learned that, while his human had rules, he could express himself because that human would listen; and he came out of his shell to become very expressive and cooperative with training that takes the form of questions and being directed toward the correct answer rather than punishing him for not understanding. As an example, he went from not letting me handle his feet when I first bought him to giving me his feet a year later--they need regular treatment to avoid infection that causes heel pain. He now understands this and lets out a big sigh after all four feet get their triple antibiotic ointment/clotrimazole mixture. (Tip: most foot pain in a horse can be attributed to one or (most likely) a combination of 1) contracted heels, 2) poor trimming, 3) infection, 4) sugar-rich diet...not navicular disease.)

Buddy and a friend, Chevy

We started 2017 as partners. Once again, I gave him winter off--MUCH too cold and snowy to be out for more than a quick check. As the previous year, we started with ground work. Buddy is such a smart little guy that he picked up right where we had left off last fall as if he hadn't had 3 months with hardly any handling. This time, I started with being sure he would yield his head by reaching his nose fully around both sides to his ribs, but I also asked that he relax before I let him go, combining a natural horsemanship technique with body work. This actually worked out to help him even more than I expected.

It wasn't long this spring before I got on for the first time, which happened a few weeks ago. Today we had our second ride (spring decided it wasn't ready to come back and I had busy days in there when I couldn't do much with him). Buddy finally let me ride a posting trot circle on him. We tried once last year but he wasn't sure about my posting and didn't want to trot. He started that way today and then decided to go with it.

Before our ride today, I lunged him with side reins. Last week, when I last lunged him, I started asking for frequent walk-trot transitions to keep his attention on me rather than the herd. He started sitting and reaching more forward at the trot and developed better balance. Today, I asked for that from the start and saw the transformation. He is quick to learn and when guided the right direction, the training seems effortless, like he already knows what to do.

Buddy (April 30, 2017)

I have felt from the beginning that Buddy came into my life for a reason. It could have been any horse, and I might have done far worse with a horse from the auction, but Buddy is the calm, easy-going horse that I need in my life right now. Although he's not a fancy mover, he is easy to care for and work with. I dearly miss Beau's giant strides (when he was at his best, before his deterioration) and the uphill canter (that he would no longer perform in the end because he was in too much pain). However, my life changed and Buddy is the right size (pony sized) and temperament for me now. And Beau's expensive dressage saddle fits him--that almost never happens.

I cared for Beau when his health deteriorated and did everything I could to try to make him feel better. I failed. Now, Buddy is taking care of me. Since I've had him, I've gone through some of the worst issues in my life and had contemplated suicide when things were at their worst. It was knowing that Buddy was there for me, needing me, and that I might be able to return to the joy I once knew by sharing my soul with a special horse that gave me the courage to keep trying to recover. Had I not had a horse, my soul would have been empty and had no reason to continue the struggle through the despair of my health problems. I feel that the day I found Buddy, I had a four-legged angel looking over me making sure that I was taken care of and giving me a purpose.

I have a dream for Buddy--National Pony Dressage Finals. Someday. He'll be able to do it when we're both ready.

All that I've been through has taught me not to push and has given me a patience that I never had before in my life. I feel like I've arrived at that special place that all the old horsemen find. I know now what horse whispering really is--taking the time, having the patience to listen. It's knowing how to ask for cooperation by showing the horse that what you want is easy; It is making the horse feel secure and confident. All that I've suffered has been a blessing in disguise, another lesson that I'm sure came down from a four-legged angel. Thanks, Beau, my original buddy!

Nemesis release and a correction

I want to say Merry Christmas to my readers...or whatever holiday you wish to observe. In any case, I was able to get Nemesis available at least in Amazon for the Christmas holiday. It will be available everywhere else on January 3, 2017.

At last, Nemesis is finished, and I am finished with Starfire Angels. This story wraps up the lives of all the major characters and I am very satisfied with how it concluded. I hope you will enjoy it.

Description (updated):

Since stealing Raea from Valdas and her team of Shirukan, Leksel was never on good terms with the Shirukan general. He sliced her face in the fight to take back the Crystal Keeper. She destroyed his wing in retribution. When circumstances bring them face-to-face through an unlikely source, a truce is tenuous at best. Leksel needs Valdas to guide him to the Keeper that set her free from the du’kir brood ship and to retrieve the Starfire shard on the infamous Annihilator, and Valdas needs Leksel to help her destroy those who betrayed her. Two former Shirukan working together to cut out the heart of the Shirat Empire might be a powerful alliance, if they can overcome their loathing for one another. 

Amazon


On a side note, I wish to say that I corrected my review of Rogue One after my husband corrected me. I had thought that Tarkin was played by Wayne Pygram, and sometimes it sounded very much like him, but apparently, I should have looked closer. I have made the correction, but I sure could swear that it was Scorpius. Scary that those actors could have such similar voices and bone structure.