out of hope

My hope to ride Beau again is down the drain. I thought the Dex reducing the allergic reaction to his rabies shot might be the answer, along with some chiropractic work. However, Beau showed me tonight that he's still very sore. And it seems that the more I tried to work on him with some light stretches, massage, and general body work, the worse he became...This after he was apparently bucking and running up a storm in his turnout this morning. It broke my heart to see him try to lay down to roll on his right side and then not be able to go down all the way, probably because it hurt so much.

I brought my saddle home tonight. Now, all my hopes rest in Trigger, and that's a big "if" of a challenge considering whether I'll ever ride him or not. I suppose I should be thinking when rather than if. It will just take more time to get that one accepting of things.

I'm done, though. I've put in all the time and money and hopes and prayers that a person can. Beau has finally injured something or developed some condition that makes his right hind leg sore. It's not in the foot but higher up somewhere between the stifle-hip-pelvis. I give up. It's been too much for me dealing with all his problems. He couldn't even lay down to roll tonight on his right side. It just hurt too much.

I kind of wonder if this doesn't go back to when he had ulcers last year and had trouble with the right side. It improved some with treating the hind gut, but it was never truly the healed to how it used to be. I don't have any more money left to investigate this. Either he heals by next spring or...

I just don't have anything left emotionally to give.